Speaker Gingrich Stakes His Claim

After being up all night pondering the fate of Newt Gingrich, our newly appointed Speaker of the House, I took a walk down the alley to catch my barber the minute he unlocked the door.

"Help yourself to coffee – and there are donuts, too."

"No thanks," I muttered, "I've been drinking coffee and Jim Beam for six hours. But I will help myself to...." and I went into the back room of the shop, emerging with two cans of Old Style from Joe's refrigerator, complaining of hunger. I grabbed a Danish and sat in the chair with the morning's Tribune. After perching myself in the chair, I asked for a second opinion.

"That clod Gingrich is sure getting more than he bargained for, eh, Joe?"

"Right you are," he agreed. "How can all these guys keep thinking they're gonna march right in and start changing things that haven't been changed for years?"

A good question, and one with an easy answer: The "perception is reality" mindset. I'm not convinced that Newt himself realized the enormity of the November sweep until he saw his face plastered across every major news magazine the week following the elections. Newt made a lot of promises during those early weeks of the campaign; enough to keep the Pavlovian press plenty busy. And it has seemed to work as he has fulfilled his wish of getting attention for good or ill, starting with his poor, blabbering mother, who was caught off guard by Connie Chung.

I say "poor," yet any good American familiar with Chung should know that this kind of behavior is right up her alley. She's learned well from that sensationalistic goofball she married, and these days, the only smiling face at CBS belongs to Dan Rather, who lost what little credibility remained under his belt the minute Connie plopped her ass in the seat next to his own. It was enough to make ABC thank their lucky stars that they'd had the foresight to take Barbara Walters off the news so many years ago. Suffice it say to that Connie Chung won't see the '96 Election from her current perch. But back to our boy, Newt, who, himself, might be the first to admit that the position of Speaker, and the supposed inherent power, isn't all it's cracked up to be. (Look where it got Tom Foley.) But that's okay, because this man is all about visibility and nothing about achievement, and anyone who can't see that is blind with false hope.

* * * * *

With a fresh haircut, I made a stop to pick up breakfast: A six pack of Little Kings Cream Ale and a bag of pork tacos. Walking home, I glanced at the green bottle in my hand, noticing that the great Schoenling Brewing name had been replaced on the label by some sort of "statement" which referred to the company's recent commitment to helping to save the grizzly bear and the habitat it roams. Ah, yes, Political Correctness. Oh well, the times they are a’ changing; a fact that is not lost on Newt Gingrich. According to CNN's latest report, the good Speaker is doing a little stripe changing himself. It seems as though he's had a complete turnaround from his once proud admonition that he would do everything in his power to cut off funding to the Public Broadcasting System. How many more decrees will Newt back down on in the coming weeks? I'm really not sure, but it'll be entertaining to watch.

One thing that is not interesting to watch these days is the thrill Rush Limpbrain is deriving from this recent stream of right wing hoopla. Granted, I tune him out whenever possible, as does much of the press. But when a few of these same people give him the degree of prominence as was granted him last November in Newsweek's election issue, they only fuel the fire. Now - I know it's only an illustration on the Newsweek cover, but it was more than even I could stand, and what this cute drawing represented should send a chill up anyone's spine. Indeed, there was an artist's rendering of Bill Clinton as Swift's Gulliver being tied down by five Republican Lilliputians: Gingrich, Bob Dole, Al D'Amato, Phil Gramm and Limbaugh. Here's a thought for anyone with the intelligence to listen:

Rush Limbaugh is not an elected official of Congress. He does NOT create legislation..

Sure, he carries a lot of weight with a few thousand folks around this nation. And this does not include the actors he reportedly hires as dummies for his studio audiences and phone-in voices. But thankfully, most of The Large One's followers are seemingly as lazy as he is, not to mention dumb. Which is why, despite their loyalty to a mere television character, these people couldn't find time in their day to outvote the evil Democrats in November; (total national numbers.) Otherwise, we'd have Oliver North sitting on The Hill.

Fortunately for the elephants, the votes in their favor were well-placed. Well, we'll see how well-placed they are come '96, when Bill Clinton will most likely be re-elected, though not necessarily because he deserves it. A sickness which plagued the Democrats for more than a few years will rise up and strike the Republicans. With so many clowns going for the Top Seat, it's difficult to put your party in the White House, and the donkeys suffered for it until '92. In '96, there will be a role reversal with around six or seven challengers from the Right beating themselves up enough to pave the way for Clinton's re-election. As happened with Clinton's teammates, a few losses at the ballot box will eat at the level of greed which keeps one's party off Pennsylvania Avenue. When this happens in Election 2000, watch out - that's when the fun will really start.