Mr. Phil Goes National

Poor Phil Robertson – how dare that guy from the fancy New York magazine sneak up on him! 'Course, the immediate and obvious question on everyone's mind was "what the hell was a profile on this stooge doing in GQ in the first place?" (Other than to sneak up on him for the purpose of giving further credence to the idea that nice, good 'ole folks like the Duck Dynasty bunch strewn throughout this big country of ours aren't really that nice or that good.)

That said, rarely have I been more at a loss for words on something I thought I had a pretty decent grip on than the Duck Dynasty phenomenon. Hell, everyone knows we're a nation of morons. (When Phil says he didn't think that this country had a history of mistreating blacks, I believe him.) So when close to 10 million hicks tune in every week to watch a TV show about a family of hicks, I understand. (Even if it's all fake. What was that 'ole Phil said about the "skits that we come up with?" So much for "reality.") Anyhow, what I DON'T understand is the repeat viewer. Nothing – I mean NOTHING – happens on this fucking show. Even for the mindless market Duck Dynasty caters to, it's got to be boring as hell.

Maybe it's the idea of the success story that has the populace coming back for more. This show is proof that everyone knows at least a little about something and that anyone can have an idea – in this case, it's the humble duck call.

Another school of thought has folks watching because of the Christian leanings of the show. And that makes sense, given that the Robertson bunch is comprised of your typical hypocrites who like to force-feed non-believers their very specific brand of Christianity. Leaning on the bible as an everlasting crutch may work with the religious folks … Hey, it's okay to beat the shit out of a guy and his wife, as long as you declare yourself born again – and are able to pay the guy off. However, in the real world – in our nation of laws – conversion is not an excuse.

That said, they're not BAD people – just your typical hypocritical, far-right, gun-worshiping, gay-bashing, black-hating, women-abusing tea-baggin' birther nutballs.