P.J. O’Rourke: The Final Judgment of Pat Buchanan

TO: Rolling Stone Magazine
FR: Mad Bomber

Your issue #732 presented a fun feature: The Ultimate Conservative Yuppie candidate analyzed by the Ultimate Conservative Yuppie Journalist.

I was glad to hear P. J. O'Rourke nail Pat Buchanan with both barrels for lots of reason; the primary one being the obvious fact I've been yelling about for months now: Despite his pronouncements to the contrary, Pat Buchanan is a Liberal. At least, according to his political positions. His idea that the government should control personal decisions regarding religion and the mechanisms of one's own body have a very unappealing Orwellian flavor.

Speaking of religion, why has the media establishment refused to note the contradiction inherent in the idea of a religion-influenced government? Wasn't one of the ideas of America, back in 1775, to promote the separation of church and state? Now, some 220 years later, we've come full circle, as it were. Yes, the Apocalypse may, indeed, coincide with the Millennium, which would be appropriate. In 1998 - the halfway point of a Buchanan Administration - this country will be 222 years old. This number, multiplied by 3 (the number of centuries this failed experiment called Democracy occupied) equals 666. Perfect. The Mark of the Beast. And the symbol of the final ruler to preside over a "kingdom" which was destined to fail. And it'll be at this point in time when we confront the brutal fact that we've really not prepared to rule ourselves (as in "government by the people") and that the Apocalypse is Now. The Mark of the Beast, indeed.

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There have been but a handful of true democrats - not Democrats - but democrats. Men who've believed and trusted in the common man's right to call their own shots - and with the holistic and righteous goal of speaking for what may be right for the people. Demosthenes was one of these individuals. So was Sir Thomas More, the virtuous nobleman of 16th-century England who had his head separated from his body by order of Henry VIII for having the balls to stand up to the old man for the sake of Principle. Principle? That's a foreign word to America's 20th century politicians.

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But back to O'Rourke's judgment on Candidate Buchanan. I'm relieved to see that P.J. exposed Buchanan for what he really is: A Tried and True Liberal. Yes, I was relieved to see that, despite their common heritage, the 'ole Irish blood does not always flow less rapidly than the life-sustaining river of cash that rolls into P. J.'s pocket every time he sits down at the computer. For once, blood was not thicker than green water.