Dick Gephardt: Family Man

TO: U.S. Rep. Richard Gephardt
FR: Mad Bomber

Through two presidential campaigns now, with a pandering whimper that could only come from Washington D.C., you’ve called for the urgent return to “family values.” And through two campaigns, I’ve turned the other cheek, foregoing cries of discrimination against single and/or childless adult Americans like myself. But with your little gathering at the home of the Hensley family of St. Louis this past Sunday … Congressman, your asinine stance has finally hit too close to home to ignore.

You claim that “the main challenge for the American people is having successful families.” (St. Louis Post-Dispatch, January 13, 1997.) Oh? Is it, Dick? Define “families,” will you? I bet such a definition would include children, leaving out “families” who choose not to have children; or worse, would like to have children, but can’t.

As viewed by politicians, families with kids are truly the chosen ones in society, while the rest of us pitiful souls are second-class citizens…personae non grata. And this is sad enough. But the tax breaks you’re pushing for those with children are simply wrong and border on discrimination. Were I a woman unable to bear a child, I’d sue your ass and your collective ilk, and in our litigation-happy society, I’d probably win.

But being a fair individual, I’ll give you a chance to make amends with the many childless, tax-paying, law-abiding citizens of your district who must also be pissed off with your “families only” agenda. I’m offering the perfect setting – my own home – for a gathering similar to the one held this past Sunday in order to announce your “Kidless Adults Count, Too,” agenda. This should correct your screw-up.

I’ll look forward to hearing from your office so that this shindig may be set up as soon as possible.