John McCain: Palinized!

Within minutes of the Palin announcement, my cell phone rang. When the ID came up as Chicago, I knew exactly who was on the line.

“Who the fuck is this broad?!?!”

“Don’t blame me,” I answered. “It’s your party. Obviously, just another far right nut to placate the masses. Your masses.”

“Hell, I’ve never heard of her in my life. And they’re not my masses! Do you know her?”

“I do now. Rumor has it she came out of the womb with an NRA sticker on her forehead.”

“Fuck you! I’m getting to the bottom of this. Don’t think you won’t hear back from me – you WILL! And SOON!”

This kind of reaction was not uncommon in the hours and days after John McCain proudly announced Alaska Governor Sarah Palin as his running mate on the 2008 Republican Presidential ticket. Obviously, McCain didn’t get the guy he’d wanted, instead following the party’s dictum on this one. My people tell me that McCain was literally on the phone with Joe Lieberman, about to pop the question to his old buddy, when the Party cut in and told him it was Palin Time. McCain’s caving in hardly spoke to his alleged “maverick” credentials. Worse though, the decision to bring Palin aboard absolutely spoke to the party’s incredibly ancient attitude toward woman. They really think they can attract Hillary’s girls with gender alone. It took me back 20 years to the time when George H. W. Bush fully admitted that he’d brought Dan Qualye aboard because he saw him as a handsome young buck who would attract the female vote. How insulting.

So who is this Sarah Palin? Seemingly smart, strong and fearless, and on the side of extreme issues like guns and abortion that will endear her to the right, though she’s already got problems with the kind of irresponsible spending that McCain likes to rail against. But that said, she’s the “new face of the party.” Ha! Maybe in the sense that Susan Molinari, the goddam dimwit from New York who gave the keynote speech at the 1996 Republican National Convention was going to be the new face of the party. The media even dragged Molinari out after the Palin announcement for some perspective that only she could deliver. What she failed to mention is the grave possibility that the party will drop Palin like a bad habit after a McCain defeat, much as it did to Molinari after Bob Dole’s loss.

But for the time being, Palin has been enlisted to help McCain “change Washington.” The question is, change from what? Republicans are the idiots who have essentially called the shots over the past eight years. Has anyone been paying attention?!?! And now they – the party and even John McCain (clenched teeth and all) – are going to tell us that Sarah Palin is the second most qualified Republican in the land to be the President of the United States; more so than the 49 Republican Senators and 202 Representatives in the House.

I’d like for one Republican – just one! – to look me in the goddam eye and say this is the best they got.

Palin has jumped in with both feet, joining McCain in calling for a fresh start in Washington if, for no other purpose, than to disassociate the Senator from Bush. The reality, however, is that McCain is just like Bush. In fact, it seemed that nobody could be more like Bush than McCain – until Sarah Palin came along. Like Bush, Palin is all for the Alaskan pipeline, is a gun lover and thinks it’s a good idea to continue sending $10B a month to Iran. Like Bush, she believes in denying women the right to choose and opposes stem cell research. Like Bush, she confusing the constitution with the bible. And like Bush, she has a history of denying women equal pay for equal work, while favoring huge tax cuts for the wealthiest 2% of Americans.

Now … for those who discount the role of the Vice President, I can only suggest looking back at the past eight years. In fact, my initial impression of Palin was that she was, indeed, another Cheney – smart and evil. Christ, was I wrong. As it turns out, she’s more like Bush – and after eight years of dumbass, we don’t need any more dumbass in the White House.

With the conclusion of the debates, during which “maverick” John McCain lied repeatedly to his opponent, the moderator and the American people, we find ourselves only two weeks away from the most historic presidential election in almost 60 years, no matter what the outcome. After the past two elections, I hope that this time we get the goddam thing right.