The Trump Phenomenon Explained

Since the Trump Phenomenon kicked into gear, pundits ad nauseum have tried to explain The Donald's rise, including many from both the right and left who tell us that the Republican Party created Trump by breaking promises they'd made to their base. Well, I understand this to a degree, insomuch as the Republicans created an atmosphere in which some yahoo who ISN'T a lazy, tail-kissing money grabber might try to make headlines with a riling message that the "regular" politicians dare not utter. In this era of the Dumb American, this kind of message rings true. But it's more than just a message – it's that it's being uttered by a guy people know – or think they know – because he's been on TeeeeeVeeeee! Generally speaking (and we're into 90%-plus figures here), we are an indolent, moronic population, touched and moved almost exclusively by what we see on television. The more dumb, the more potent. Hence, I give you what no pundit to date has been able to give you – an explanation of the Trump Phenomenon in two words: DUCK DYNASTY. Remember this vile bunch? Now, you might say, "hey, they're religious people." Exactly! And this is what makes them even more vile – the act of hiding behind the bible as so many do. But that's another topic for another day. Today, it's easy to explain what has become known as The Trump Phenomenon: TV created Donald Trump as we know him today.

Sure, Trump wrote a book in the '80s and was a hero to the Wall Street set. And tiny sectors of the country outside of New York may have known of him for his tabloid headline-grabbing rotation of young, money-hungry wives. But it wasn't until he appeared on his own string of what are ridiculously known as reality shows that Trump achieved the revered status of Anna Nicole Smith, the Girls Next Door, Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie, Flavor Flav and his wretched TV offspring, Tia Tequila, the myriad lineups of The Real World, and the Survivor and Housewives shows, and the Kardashians, Bruce/Caitlyn Jenner, and more. How many more? Ha! Here are a few other fine folks that Donald "Duck Dynasty" Trump could call business associates: The Osbournes, Nick & Jessica, the Hulk Hogans and … you get the idea. That's quite a bunch. These are The Donald's peers; his true associates. And The Donald must be proud.

Then there are the shows: the Marry a Millionaire series, the Bachelor and Bachelorette shows, the Real Housewives – who are about as real as Donald Trump's housewives; and, of course, The Apprentice and The Celebrity Apprentice – no doubt inspired by or maybe inspiring to Wife Swap and Celebrity Wife Swap. Frankly, I'm proud to say that I honestly don't know which came first and I'm not about to bother to find out.

But this is Donald Trump's world. These are his people. And he wants to be their President. And yours.

Well, hell, I guess anything is possible.

In a nation in which stupidity is prized, it seems that the crazier, the nuttier, the more nonsensical garbage that spews from Trump's flap, the more people like him. Like him? They claim to identify with him!!! They think he's just like them – except for the money, the beautiful wives and the fact that in truth, he really doesn't give a flip about them. And perhaps some of those pundits may have had something when noting that the party had given rise to its new nemesis, given that so many of the current crop of GOP presidential wannabes initially embraced the rise of the Tea Party, with its roots in anti-intellectualism. Look what it gave them! The Donald – Doyen of the Dumb. The man who hurt Megan Kelly's feelings. Ahhh!!! Funny, how nobody has spoken up through the years in defense of Hillary Clinton, Nancy Pelosi or even Sarah Palin as they've endured brutal personal attacks. But say something derogatory about a Fox fox and ooooohhhhh!!!!!, all hell breaks loose.

All in all, there's really so little of substance that Trump ever has to say because there's so little of substance that his followers understand. Real issues? What real issues?!?! The few core beliefs he has (including pro-choice) don't matter as long as they don't come up. And he doesn't dare bring them up. All Trump followers everywhere know is that "he's on TV so he must be a cool guy. And I like cool guys – and I'd even like to BE a cool guy! But I'll never be a cool guy. But at least by liking a cool guy … well …. maybe that could make me kinda a cool guy … one day."

For the most part, this is the extent of the American intellect.